So it’s that time of year when everyone is happy about the holidays. Or at least they are able to put on the appearances of being happy. I wonder if the reality is more like this SNL skit:
The kids’ school does a lot of extra events this time of year, so the schedule is helter skelter, “Pick up kids early, drop them off in pajamas, have a special snack prepared, bring ingredients for ginderbread house making.” That’s just a few of the things. Yesterday there was a school play which required the kids get in “special dress” and the result was similar to this SNL skit from this weekend:
Since school is dismissing early my wife came up with a good idea to invite some of the kids’ school friends over for lunch and a play date. We’ve been missing the social connection (her especially, I think), so I figure that this would be a good idea. Unfortunately, our lives are pretty hectic (isn’t everyone’s?) so the house has a billion half-finished projects and we’re overwhelmed with clutter and toys. (In fairness, my STEM toy addiction probably hasn’t made matters better.) We’ve got so many toys that the kids don’t even play with their brand new Nintendo Switch that they saved up for. It’s only going to get worse as I kept finding deals throughout the holiday season.
The biggest thing that is going on with me is that I think I’m just depressed. It’s hard to write that and we’ll see if I hit the publish button. The combination of the short days of the year and it being 15 degrees is simply not a good mix for me. It’s probably some kind of S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder). I don’t want to leave the house or walk the dog or any of the things that would probably be healthy.
Behind the scenes, we have a condo turnover that is just terrible. It’s hard when people move out in November or December in cold states. No one wants to move. We’ve lowered the price, but the real estate agent keeps on asking us to do more and more work. It’s getting to be too much deal with contractor after contractor. With it being a couple of months now (and probably more without a Christmas miracle), it’s hard to pour more money into it.
I’ve had a difficult time online as well – and almost everything I do is online. I had this great idea to review every year of the decade. That kind of article takes 8-10 hours minimum, which is hard to put together. I’m not sure if people get value from it, because few people leave comments on blogs any more. I think it’s just the nature of their being so much content out there that no one has the time to read it all and comment. Everyone else has their own endless todo list, right?
The online income isn’t getting better (which makes sense, because I have less time to blog), but when it does come, it comes with maddening invoicing instructions. It used to be that everyone put an email address and an amount in Paypal and it was done in 30 seconds. I spent nearly half a day with one client after they were making so many changes and special requests, I was wondering they ever intended to pay me at all.
I’m certainly not being helped by the news cycle. I don’t go into politics here very often, but I’ve been transparent about which side I’m on now that the chasm has grown so far apart. I find it difficult to root for someone whose platform of bullying and helping foreign interests is put ahead of America and real problems like student loans, healthcare costs, and climate change. I grew only more sad watching the democratic debate last night and thinking, “It’s a shame that we can’t have any of these intelligent, articulate leaders representing our country.
Usually, I have a few safe havens, like being able to celebrate the Patriots’ success. However, they haven’t had their success (despite the great record) or late. They are banged up and don’t seem to have the offensive talent any more. And to make things worse the local news is buzzing about taping issue with the general conscious seeming to be that because they were deemed guilty before, they’ll be deemed even more guilty now. I’m sure no one would have any sympathy for a Patriots’ fan (nor should they), but it was a constant source of good online news for me for a long time now.
This is also one of the busiest times for my wife. She’s got to file for military promotion. She compares to doing college applications, but in this case, there’s one school – Harvard. So you better have cured cancer in the last year, or the promotion isn’t happening. Even if you did, you better cross every “t” and dot every “i” and make sure all 74 of your bosses signed off on it and wrote a glowing 10 page review. Then you’ll have checked off one of the 5 or 6 areas that they judge.
Personally, I don’t if she should ever even try, but if you fall at the bottom of list, you could get discharged. It sounds like a more and more competitive rat race, and I think she’s at the point where it’s just not worth running it any more.
I don’t know what the end take-away is from all this. I think most of it is temporary and may just be in my head. One of the things that helped was just writing up. I know that a lot of other people are feeling it too. In the grand scheme of things these may be small potatoes in comparison. I think there will be some natural time off with the Christmas holiday and then things on this blog will hopefully pick up before the New Year.
*hug*
I feel you on the real estate crap. I sold my house and moved juuuuuuust before the cold weather hit. Luckily, I didn’t have to do any work on it–I literally couldn’t, so we sold it as a fixer. It was a cash sale and I didn’t get as much as I wanted but at least it’s not around my neck anymore.
Hang in there, Lazy Man. Spring is coming.
I’m sorry to hear you are feeling this way, but glad you published it. So many people struggle with the same feelings (including me) and it’s good to know you aren’t the only one. It’s particularly difficult this time of year when everyone is supposed to be full of joy, and it’s hard to admit that you aren’t feeling the same.
I hope these feelings and external stresses pass quickly and you can get back to a better place before long.
This is such a hard time of year. Parts of me are really happy and parts of me are so sad and so overwhelmed. I’m glad you wrote this, and I hope it helps. I also hope you get to catch your breath some!
I appreciate you being willing to say what’s going on, even if it is tough stuff. Men deal with depressive issues at a rate close to women, but because we are men, are less likely to get help and therefore more likely to not resolve the issues productively. I’m older than you and have seen a lot of guys deal with it, if you can get them to actually talk about it(especially in my home state of Texas). I’ve been meeting with a group of 4-5 men for roughly 20 years and we are more open than most, but it’s still hard to always get the support that’s needed. Unfortunately even the faith community(the church if you will) tend to be more open to women’s issues.
There are all kinds of things that you can do that help but those aren’t always easy when you are down. Please try to find someone you can trust to talk to that will provide some encouragement. You’ve got my email if there’s anything I can do.
I feel overwhelmed with just life in general so I think you are doing a great job. We don’t live in the same America I grew up in (I’m 65) and I have a lot of concern for our younger generation.
I alway’s enjoy your articles and have learned from them. I agree with you on the craziness in our political situation. Very sad state of affairs and now impeachment.
Hang in there, we look forward to hearing from you in 2020.
God bless you and your family.
D Alice
As someone that lives in one of the most northern places in the US, and therefore gets very limited sunlight this time of year, I encourage you to get your Vitamin D tested. A simple vitamin deficiency can cause chaos. A blood test will do it, and it’s easy to fix if that’s what it is.
Chin up, pal!
The holidays can be stressful and winter can be long. But this, too, shall pass.
Any vacations lined up?
Cheers!
-PoF
Hey, Brian. Just a note to let you know that I feel you, man. I’ve been struggling lately too. But I also want to let you know that I’m out here reading and enjoying your work. Keep it up! If you keep going, I will too.
This too shall pass! Hang in there. Enjoy a glass of Christmas cheer and have a nice dinner with your wife.
Work out at the gym or even better throw on appropriate clothes and hit the roads for a few miles, or hit the trails. If there is ice or snow get some YakTraks. 15 degrees is not cold if you are working hard and I don’t know anything else better for keeping level than endurance work. Running is one sport that is actually more comfortable when it is cold. Now if it drops below zero then it does get iffy but 15 degrees F is balmy.
Thank you for everyone reading this and leaving a comment. It really did help to get it out there and realize that sometimes the roller coaster of life has everyone at a different place.
I think Lisa summed up a lot of my feelings when it’s supposed to be a happy time of the year, but that doesn’t mean it’s reality.
Wesley brings up an important point that I didn’t cover (because I was writing it so quickly). I don’t have any close friends in the area. I would barely say that I have acquaintances. Research time and time again shows that’s so important to mental health in general.
We don’t have any vacations lined up, because we just came from our big Aruba trip in Thanksgiving. It didn’t feel like vacation because the kids complained the entire time of boredom.
Krystal, you may be onto something there. Even if it isn’t vitamin D, I know I can eat higher quality foods. My diet tends to be more towards meat and starches. I appreciate the suggestion, that can only help matters, along with the vitamin D stuff.
Steveark, my wife has taken up jogging and said that it has helped her. I asked for some jogging gear for Christmas. However, even she said that 15 is far too cold. Anything that’s covered is too hot and anything that is exposed is destroyed by the wind. My dog can’t keep up with jogging and he really needs to his time outside too. So even if I feel up to getting out in this weather, I don’t know if I’d be able to manage it twice for running too.
Thank you for your great blog and for this post. I’ve been dealing with similar feelings for a long time, and I am a big proponent of therapy (I think of it as a tune up for my brain).
There is a 4LA that has been really helpful to me in dealing with similar feelings this year: RAIN. If you are interested in the specific technique psychology today has an article here that might be of interest – but a good therapist of course is able to take the description way beyond the listicle level htps://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-zen/201703/4-awesome-acronyms-anxiety-relief
Best to you – Abe
Hey,, just wanted you to know I’m still reading your blog even though it has probably been years since I left a comment.
Depression is something I’ve dealt with and blogged about myself. I can’t really give any advice on how to beat it since I haven’t yet figured that out. Just writing about it might help and it is good to let people know they aren’t the only ones dealing with it.
Yours is one of the few that I still check in on! Blogging has become more and more difficult since it feels like yelling into a cave. Whenever I get into that mindset what helps me is meeting up with buddies for some beer and just bullshitting.
Usually a change of scenery or getting back into a gym routine does the trick for me when I’m in a funk. Pats are still kicking man, Tommy’s not done. If she gets the gig, you gotta do something with the “how ’bout dem apples?” quote…
Look; you got comments!! I hate the darkness that is winter, even though I love winter. So I guess my basic love of winter keeps me from getting TOO depressed. But the dark just seems to make me SO tired all the time.
Merry Christmas to the Lazy Man family. Thanks for doing what you do.
Hey, I hope you feel better now. Sometimes, it’s like the world is against you.
I hear you about renting in the winter. We got lucky and rented our place out in October.
I had vacancies in the winter before and it was tough.
Also, I was paying too much attention to the news earlier. Then we went to Thailand and had a ton of fun. When I got back, I gave up the news. It just riles you up. News channels are playing to your emotions now. They want you to get mad so you come back for more. I’ll vote next year and mostly ignore the result… It’s better to focus on something else.
Best wishes and happy New Year.
Howdy Lazy Man,
You mentioned you have no friends in the area as potentially a big culprit. Friends certainly help, and I’m wondering whether you would have been better if you stayed in the Bay Area?
Losing my network of friends I’ve cultivated here would be tough for me. But, I *think* I can find new friends relatively easy in Hawaii or wherever b/c I play tennis and softball.
In retrospect, was it worth moving away? Why did you move away in the first place?
Thanks,
Sam
In hindsight, that’s a good question. We’re originally from New England and spent 4/5s of our life out here. We’re just far from our old friends and they’ve moved on to other parts of their lives, soccer Saturdays and such. No one wants to drive 2 hours to play a board game or get a bite to eat.
The economics of the Bay Area didn’t work out. My blogging profits wouldn’t cover day care. It turns out that I’m not particularly good at raising a newborn – having grandparents a couple of hours in New England is better than nothing. My wife’s government was indexed for location, but it simply wouldn’t be enough to make money and raise a family. She was traveling 40% of the time for work, so that would have been tough too. Finally, it turns out that most of our friends in San Francisco got into a big fight after we left (not related to us) and don’t routinely see each other any more.
You’d do well here especially since we have the Tennis Hall of Fame.