The Shark Week* theme continues today after a couple days of a break. Earlier this week, I wrote that I bought a shark.

What I didn’t say is exactly how expensive they are. I mentioned that a tank was nearly $2000, but it’s still on the small side for even a small shark.

Unfortunately, it looks like I may have bought the wrong type of shark because it continues to grow and get bigger and bigger. That’s not a good sign. I should have done more research before, but as my 7th-grade algebra teacher used to say, “Failure to plan is planning to fail.”

How Much Does a Shark Cost as a Pet

The Wall Street Journal had an article from a few years back about how the super rich are getting into shark ownership. It’s available by subscription only, and because my shark is so expensive, I can’t afford a WSJ subscription.

Instead I found an attempt on Quora to price the cost of a shark. This person says that a small shark would cost about $50,000. I know a guy named Sam who told me not to worry about the costs and that he’d set it all up for me. Come to think of it that seems a little shady.

It all started to add up. My kids said earlier that it’s easy to learn to be a loan shark. Shady Sam had to be a loan shark. One shark problem has created another shark problem.

I called up Sam, and indeed, I was on the hook for a lot of money… PLUS a ton of interest. I hadn’t even had the shark that long.

I knew there was a reason why I didn’t like Shark Week. At least there’s no possible way this could get any worse!

In the interest of full disclosure, these Shark Week articles are meant to be satirical. I didn’t really buy a shark. There are so many logistical problems with even owning a small shark. Our town’s small aquarium has one, so I’ll visit it instead.

* This is NOT sponsored by the Discovery Channel.

Who is excited about Shark Week?!?!

I never understood the excitement of Shark Week. Where were all the people getting excited about Giraffe Week last month? It looks like Discovery retired Sloth Week as there hasn’t been one for several years. That’s a week that this Lazy Man can get behind.

Well, this year, I decided to go all in. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. I bought a shark a couple of weeks ago. Did you know that you can buy a pet shark? Since I’m still new at this, I thought I’d refer you to this guide to pet shark ownership. It covers the basics better than I could

As the guide points out, depending on the shark, you are going to need a good size tank. It has a minimum of 180 gallons recommendation. It can go all the way up to 10,000 gallons. For the minimum, you need a tank about 8 feet long. My shark is a baby* and I only bought this 150 gallon tank. That’s poor planning. I will probably have to upgrade once Mr. Chompers gets to full size. At $1,800, the tank wasn’t cheap.

You are also going to need salt water. While salt isn’t too expensive, it’s getting more costly thanks to Putinflation. Mr. Chompers needs to eat. He likes to eat other fish, which will eat the money out of your wallet. Even though I can often find a deal on tilapia at Aldi, it still is not very cheap. Plus, just like puppies, baby sharks eat a lot.

Tomorrow, I’ll dig a little deeper into my shark purchase. In the interest of full disclosure, the Amazon link above is an affiliate link. If you plan on buying a super expensive potential shark tank, Amazon will give me a few dollars. Also, this article, like all my shark articles this week, will be satirical.

* Baby shark, do do do-do-do-do.