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Sharks are Expensive!

July 28, 2022 by Lazy Man 2 Comments

Shark Week

The Shark Week* theme continues today after a couple days of a break. Earlier this week, I wrote that I bought a shark.

What I didn’t say is exactly how expensive they are. I mentioned that a tank was nearly $2000, but it’s still on the small side for even a small shark.

Unfortunately, it looks like I may have bought the wrong type of shark because it continues to grow and get bigger and bigger. That’s not a good sign. I should have done more research before, but as my 7th-grade algebra teacher used to say, “Failure to plan is planning to fail.”

How Much Does a Shark Cost as a Pet

The Wall Street Journal had an article from a few years back about how the super rich are getting into shark ownership. It’s available by subscription only, and because my shark is so expensive, I can’t afford a WSJ subscription.

Instead I found an attempt on Quora to price the cost of a shark. This person says that a small shark would cost about $50,000. I know a guy named Sam who told me not to worry about the costs and that he’d set it all up for me. Come to think of it that seems a little shady.

It all started to add up. My kids said earlier that it’s easy to learn to be a loan shark. Shady Sam had to be a loan shark. One shark problem has created another shark problem.

I called up Sam, and indeed, I was on the hook for a lot of money… PLUS a ton of interest. I hadn’t even had the shark that long.

I knew there was a reason why I didn’t like Shark Week. At least there’s no possible way this could get any worse!

In the interest of full disclosure, these Shark Week articles are meant to be satirical. I didn’t really buy a shark. There are so many logistical problems with even owning a small shark. Our town’s small aquarium has one, so I’ll visit it instead.

* This is NOT sponsored by the Discovery Channel.

Filed Under: Fun Tagged With: Shark Week

I Bought a Shark!

July 25, 2022 by Lazy Man Leave a Comment

Who is excited about Shark Week?!?!

Shark Week

I never understood the excitement of Shark Week. Where were all the people getting excited about Giraffe Week last month? It looks like Discovery retired Sloth Week as there hasn’t been one for several years. That’s a week that this Lazy Man can get behind.

Well, this year, I decided to go all in. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. I bought a shark a couple of weeks ago. Did you know that you can buy a pet shark? Since I’m still new at this, I thought I’d refer you to this guide to pet shark ownership. It covers the basics better than I could

As the guide points out, depending on the shark, you are going to need a good size tank. It has a minimum of 180 gallons recommendation. It can go all the way up to 10,000 gallons. For the minimum, you need a tank about 8 feet long. My shark is a baby* and I only bought this 150 gallon tank. That’s poor planning. I will probably have to upgrade once Mr. Chompers gets to full size. At $1,800, the tank wasn’t cheap.

You are also going to need salt water. While salt isn’t too expensive, it’s getting more costly thanks to Putinflation. Mr. Chompers needs to eat. He likes to eat other fish, which will eat the money out of your wallet. Even though I can often find a deal on tilapia at Aldi, it still is not very cheap. Plus, just like puppies, baby sharks eat a lot.

Tomorrow, I’ll dig a little deeper into my shark purchase. In the interest of full disclosure, the Amazon link above is an affiliate link. If you plan on buying a super expensive potential shark tank, Amazon will give me a few dollars. Also, this article, like all my shark articles this week, will be satirical.

* Baby shark, do do do-do-do-do.

Filed Under: Fun Tagged With: Shark Week

My New Plan: Work And Toil / Eliminate Retirement

April 1, 2019 by Lazy Man 1 Comment

Work-And-Toil-Eliminate-RetirementThis month marks the 13th year that I’ve been known as the “Lazy Man.” I’ve been known to answer to that name. (I didn’t reveal any other name on this site for years.) Call it superstition of #13, but I’ve been having a change of heart.

Instead of being lazy and making my money work for me, maybe it’s best for me to continue to work and toil. I’m going to start to eliminate retirement thoughts completely.

Why have I decided to change my mind? I can’t quite put my finger on it. I find it impossible to grasp, much less explain.

Instead, I’m going to give you three examples that illustrate my thinking. First, I’ll start with Bruce Lee. Then I’ll cover it through the world of Pokemon. (You don’t have to be a Pokemon fan to get it.) Finally, I’ll wrap up with why Warren Buffett supports working and toiling and eliminating retirement from his thinking.

Bruce Lee Works Hard at Ping-Pong

Many people are at least vaguely familiar with martial art expert Bruce Lee. He died before I was born and a lot of his accomplishments are stories of legend to me. One of my goals this year is to learn more about him.

One of my favorite quotes from Bruce Lee comes at the start of this clip below, “Be Water, My Friend.” Watch how his extensive training and this philosophy lead to the most amazing game of ping-pong you’ve ever seen:



You can take a lot of lessons away from the clip above. The most obvious (and appropriate) one for here is, “You don’t get to be as good as Bruce Lee by being Lazy.”

A Tale of Two Pokemon

It has taken me some time to realize it, but the idea of Work and Toil has been bubbling up in my thoughts for at least a year. Last summer my children started to watch Pokemon and being the helicopter parent I am, I got involved.

It’s well known that the fire Pokemon, Charizard, is lazy. Here’s a one minute clip of his laziness costing him the battle.



On the other hand, the water Pokemon, Squirtle, works hard. I couldn’t find a signature clip of it, but here’s an evolved form of Squirtle with military-like precision:



To make a long story short, Squirtle and his squad work hard to become champion fire fighters.

Of course, it’s no surprise to any Pokemon Trainer that water is super-effective against fire.

Warren Buffett Supports Work And Toil

There’s a famous quote by Warren Buffett:

“Be fearful when others are greedy and greedy only when others are fearful.”

I’m not going to tie this directly to my idea of a working and toiling. However, I think this shows that Buffett would likely support the idea of doing something contrary to the popular trend.

Buffett is such a strong supporter that he’s still working at age 88. It doesn’t seem like he’s ever going to retire.

Who doesn’t want to be like Buffett, right?

So let’s get started. Who’s ready to join the Work And Toil / Eliminate Retirement movement? Any ideas for a better, more catch name? It’s kind of a mouthful.

P.S.

That Bruce Lee clip of the ping-pong above… April Fools!. The quote about water is the real deal though.

Filed Under: Fun Tagged With: FIRE

Putting the “F IT” in Frugal-IT-y

February 23, 2018 by Lazy Man 9 Comments

For years and years, I’ve been writing about saving money. Save money, invest money, say hello to financial freedom.

I still believe in all of that. The math checks out. People have done it.

When you put aside money and math, there’s this thing called life. As a personal finance blogger, I focus on writing about the money and math towards financial freedom.

Since you are reading this, I’m going to presume you focus on financial freedom too.

What if we took a break from the money and math? What if we focused on a different M-word… “moderation”?

Yesterday, Joe from Retire by 40 wrote about his expensive artwork. As I was reading it, I felt almost like he was being apologetic for his splurge years ago. It also felt like he was trying to justify it.

Maybe I read it wrong. Maybe I superimposed some of my own thoughts into the article.

Whatever the reason, it made me think, “Let’s look at the big picture here.”

If you are meeting most of your financial goals, perhaps it’s worth setting aside some money each year to create a “happiness fund.”

My “happiness fund” would be about no-questions-asked spending. The more frivolous the better (as long as it stays in the budget.)

Why not put a ball pit in your house?

Well, we did it. We put a ball pit in our house. pic.twitter.com/8wztWkDt8M

— Rachel Bloom (@Racheldoesstuff) December 17, 2017


My “happiness fund” this year went to buying a ridiculously expensive television. I’m not sure it was “ball pit happiness” but I do enjoy it. I’m certainly “happy” that I didn’t pay the $7,000 – $10,000 that it cost in the past.

“How much should I put in my happiness fund?”

I tried to come up with some kind of formula of what would be responsible. I couldn’t come up with a good guideline. At first, I thought it should be a percentage of your net worth, but then I figured it very small or even negative for some people. Then I thought it could be a percentage of your annual income. This is more promising, but it doesn’t edge cases like Joe who could make nothing this year and still be fine financially overall.

Finally, I realized that like most things in personal finance… a happiness fund is personal.

It doesn’t make sense for me to tell you how much to put in it any more than it does to tell you what to spend it on.

Instead, let’s flip this question around. Leave me a comment below about how much you put in your happiness fund and what you are spending it on. You might want to leave a good email address, because I plan on surprising at least one commenter with $25 towards that happiness fund.

Filed Under: Fun Tagged With: happiness

If I had a Million Dollars (Linkified)

August 1, 2011 by Lazy Man 18 Comments

Personal finance can be a dry subject for many people. I find it enjoyable, but as my regular readers know, I’m very weird. For those who aren’t like me, here is my attempt to bring some fun.

If I Had A Million Dollars
by Barenaked Ladies

If I had a million dollars – (If I had a million dollars)
I’d buy you a house – (I would buy you a house)
If I had a million dollars – (If I had a million dollars)
I’d buy you furniture for your house – (Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
And if I had a million dollars – (If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a K-Car (A nice reliant automobile)
If I had a million dollars – I’d buy your love

If I had a million dollars – I’d build a tree fort in our yard
If I had million dollars – You could help, it wouldn’t be that hard
If I had million dollars – Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere
You know, we could just go up there and hang out – Like open the fridge and stuff
There would already be laid out foods for us – Like little pre-wrapped sausages and things

million.jpgThey have pre-wrapped sausages but they don’t have pre-wrapped bacon
Well, can you blame ’em
Uh, yeah

If I had a million dollars – (If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a fur coat – (But not a real fur coat that’s cruel)
And if I had a million dollars – (If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you an exotic pet – (Yep, like a llama or an emu)
And if I had a million dollars – (If I had a a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you John Merrick’s remains – (Ooh, all them crazy elephant bones)
And If I had a million dollars I’d buy your love

If I had a million dollars – We wouldn’t have to walk to the store
If I had a million dollars – Now, we’d take a limousine ’cause it costs more
If I had a million dollars – We wouldn’t have to eat Kraft Dinner
But we would eat Kraft Dinner – Of course we would, we’d just eat more
And buy really expensive ketchups with it – That’s right, all the fanciest ke… dijon ketchups!
Mmmmmm, Mmmm-Hmmm

If I had a million dollars – (If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a green dress – (But not a real green dress, that’s cruel)
And if I had a million dollars (If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you some art (A Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I had a million dollars – (If I had a million dollars)
Well, I’d buy you a monkey (Haven’t you always wanted a monkey)

If I had a million dollars – I’d buy your love

If I had a million dollars, If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars, If I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars, I’d be rich

Filed Under: Fun

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