Comments on: How to have a successful budget meeting with your spouse http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/ Saving, Earning, and Investing Money Sat, 21 Nov 2009 00:22:17 -0800 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 hourly 1 By: Shirley M. Mueller http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-59049 Shirley M. Mueller Tue, 12 Feb 2008 23:28:36 +0000 http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/#comment-59049 One of the foremost causes of couples’ fights about money is that men and women react disparately to stress. Both genders’ brains release oxytocin and vasopressin, but these hormones act differently in the presence of his testosterone and her estrogen. Circulating testosterone in males enhances the effect of vasopressin, and both hormones, testosterone and vasopressin, are known to increase aggression. On the other hand, circulating estrogen in females’ bodies heighten the effect of oxytocin, a calming hormone linked to a tendency to communicate in females. This is the opposite of the male response. In addition, women have more brain area allocated to word production than their male counterparts, which makes them inclined toward greater speech fluency. Normally, a woman wants to discuss her problem when she is under stress—to her mate, her friends, her adult children—as a means of relieving it. Men under tension typically want to shout, lash out, or seek solitude. Both blame the other for this problem. Small differences of opinion accelerate into something far more nasty and significant than either of them intended. In the end, they fight not only about the issue at hand, but often about their separate fighting styles as well. One of the foremost causes of couples’ fights about money is that men and women react disparately to stress. Both genders’ brains release oxytocin and vasopressin, but these hormones act differently in the presence of his testosterone and her estrogen. Circulating testosterone in males enhances the effect of vasopressin, and both hormones, testosterone and vasopressin, are known to increase aggression.
On the other hand, circulating estrogen in females’ bodies heighten the effect of oxytocin, a calming hormone linked to a tendency to communicate in females. This is the opposite of the male response. In addition, women have more brain area allocated to word production than their male counterparts, which makes them inclined toward greater speech fluency. Normally, a woman wants to discuss her problem when she is under stress—to her mate, her friends, her adult children—as a means of relieving it. Men under tension typically want to shout, lash out, or seek solitude.
Both blame the other for this problem. Small differences of opinion accelerate into something far more nasty and significant than either of them intended. In the end, they fight not only about the issue at hand, but often about their separate fighting styles as well.

]]> By: Shirley M. Mueller http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-59044 Shirley M. Mueller Tue, 12 Feb 2008 23:21:24 +0000 http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/#comment-59044 The author is right, but there is more. The reason that female and male partners argue about money is more fundamental. They are inherently programmed to react differently. The female X and male Y chromosome shape distinct neuroendocrine systems that ultimately influence attitudes and behavior—sometimes dramatically. This includes attitudes toward money. One of the foremost causes of couples’ fights about money is that men and women react disparately to stress. Both genders’ brains release oxytocin and vasopressin, but these hormones act differently in the presence of his testosterone and her estrogen. Circulating testosterone in males enhances the effect of vasopressin, and both hormones, testosterone and vasopressin, are known to increase aggression. On the other hand, circulating estrogen in females’ bodies heighten the effect of oxytocin, a calming hormone linked to a tendency to communicate in females. This is the opposite of the male response. In addition, women have more brain area allocated to word production than their male counterparts, which makes them inclined toward greater speech fluency. Normally, a woman wants to discuss her problem when she is under stress—to her mate, her friends, her adult children—as a means of relieving it. Men under tension typically want to shout, lash out, or seek solitude. Both blame the other for this problem. Small differences of opinion accelerate into something far more nasty and significant than either of them intended. In the end, they fight not only about the issue at hand, but often about their separate fighting styles as well. The author is right, but there is more. The reason that female and male partners argue about money is more fundamental. They are inherently programmed to react differently. The female X and male Y chromosome shape distinct neuroendocrine systems that ultimately influence attitudes and behavior—sometimes dramatically. This includes attitudes toward money.

One of the foremost causes of couples’ fights about money is that men and women react disparately to stress. Both genders’ brains release oxytocin and vasopressin, but these hormones act differently in the presence of his testosterone and her estrogen. Circulating testosterone in males enhances the effect of vasopressin, and both hormones, testosterone and vasopressin, are known to increase aggression.

On the other hand, circulating estrogen in females’ bodies heighten the effect of oxytocin, a calming hormone linked to a tendency to communicate in females. This is the opposite of the male response. In addition, women have more brain area allocated to word production than their male counterparts, which makes them inclined toward greater speech fluency. Normally, a woman wants to discuss her problem when she is under stress—to her mate, her friends, her adult children—as a means of relieving it. Men under tension typically want to shout, lash out, or seek solitude.

Both blame the other for this problem. Small differences of opinion accelerate into something far more nasty and significant than either of them intended. In the end, they fight not only about the issue at hand, but often about their separate fighting styles as well.

]]> By: Aspire 2 Wealth http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-21344 Aspire 2 Wealth Fri, 07 Dec 2007 04:51:54 +0000 http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/#comment-21344 [...] Here are a series of articles and blog postings dealing with couples and personal finance. I hope that the advice presented can help you and your spouse share your financial lives together in harmony. [...] [...] Here are a series of articles and blog postings dealing with couples and personal finance. I hope that the advice presented can help you and your spouse share your financial lives together in harmony. [...]

]]> By: glblguy http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-20694 glblguy Fri, 30 Nov 2007 02:24:09 +0000 http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/#comment-20694 @Laura - Hi Laura, thanks! @FinanceIsPersonal - Thank you, and same here...frankly I was one of them. Fortunetely we fixed that problem. @Caeli - Sounds like maybe you don't have a budget crisis, but maybe an income crisis. have you considered getting some extra income, at least in the short run to take some of the pressure off? That might make things easier for you until you get some wiggle room. Honestly though, the more thinly stretched you are the better the budget works. It controls your spending so you know where your money is going. @pfodyssey - Thank you, and I agree, it's pretty scary how many couple have problems in this area. Thanks everyone for your comments, and I'm sincerely glad you enjoyed the article. @Laura – Hi Laura, thanks!

@FinanceIsPersonal – Thank you, and same here…frankly I was one of them. Fortunetely we fixed that problem.

@Caeli – Sounds like maybe you don’t have a budget crisis, but maybe an income crisis. have you considered getting some extra income, at least in the short run to take some of the pressure off? That might make things easier for you until you get some wiggle room. Honestly though, the more thinly stretched you are the better the budget works. It controls your spending so you know where your money is going.

@pfodyssey – Thank you, and I agree, it’s pretty scary how many couple have problems in this area.

Thanks everyone for your comments, and I’m sincerely glad you enjoyed the article.

]]> By: pfodyssey http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-18852 pfodyssey Thu, 15 Nov 2007 16:45:49 +0000 http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/#comment-18852 Although I've not experienced it in my own household (my wife and I are pretty well aligned in terms of finances), I see quite a few people struggle with this stuff and struggle to help them...good to see any advice in that regard. Although I’ve not experienced it in my own household (my wife and I are pretty well aligned in terms of finances), I see quite a few people struggle with this stuff and struggle to help them…good to see any advice in that regard.

]]> By: Caeli http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-18581 Caeli Tue, 13 Nov 2007 17:26:22 +0000 http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/#comment-18581 My husband really does not want to "waste his time" with a budget. Every time I ask him to sit down and do this with me, he says that he has been writing budgets for years and they never change anything so why waste the paper? Of course, I do understand where he is coming from since it is extremely difficult to get a budget started when we are stretched so thin. We are usually completely out of money two days after payday after rent, the bare minimum payments on past due bills, $50 for a week's worth of food, and a full gas tank for each of our cars to get to work. My bi-weekly paychecks go entirely to rent and payments on our cash advances and credit cards, and his weekly paychecks go to basic living expenses and any of the many little emergencies that come with having 3 young children. My husband really does not want to “waste his time” with a budget. Every time I ask him to sit down and do this with me, he says that he has been writing budgets for years and they never change anything so why waste the paper?
Of course, I do understand where he is coming from since it is extremely difficult to get a budget started when we are stretched so thin. We are usually completely out of money two days after payday after rent, the bare minimum payments on past due bills, $50 for a week’s worth of food, and a full gas tank for each of our cars to get to work. My bi-weekly paychecks go entirely to rent and payments on our cash advances and credit cards, and his weekly paychecks go to basic living expenses and any of the many little emergencies that come with having 3 young children.

]]> By: FinanceIsPersonal.com http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-18367 FinanceIsPersonal.com Sun, 11 Nov 2007 16:09:46 +0000 http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/#comment-18367 This is definitely some good advice, I've seen a lot of my married friends have two very different patterns of handling money which normally doesn't end well. This is definitely some good advice, I’ve seen a lot of my married friends have two very different patterns of handling money which normally doesn’t end well.

]]> By: Laura http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-18166 Laura Fri, 09 Nov 2007 11:56:22 +0000 http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/#comment-18166 Fantastic advice! It's true, once you have the initial setup and discussion on the budget, your money discussion go so much smoother. We give each other weekly updates. Fantastic advice! It’s true, once you have the initial setup and discussion on the budget, your money discussion go so much smoother. We give each other weekly updates.

]]> By: glblguy http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-18141 glblguy Fri, 09 Nov 2007 00:17:02 +0000 http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/#comment-18141 Thanks for the comments everyone and thanks to Lazyman for giving me the opportunity to write for his awesome blog. I've been a reader for a long time. Quit exciting to see one of my articles here on Lazy Man & Money. @Quotes - I agree, I wish I would have started budgeting a long time ago. @Michelle - Uh oh...hope he's not too mad at me ;-) Sounds like it is completely on you. Have you told him how you feel and why it's important to you? My wife doesn't like it, I'm the nerd. So I prepare it in advance and give it to her to review. To get her to have some ownership, I ask her to change something on it. Let me know if it helps...let me know too if I should expect a knock on my front door from a mad husband :-) @Saving Freak - That's great. Since you meeting monthly, how do you both know how much is left in each category? Thanks again for the great comments! Thanks for the comments everyone and thanks to Lazyman for giving me the opportunity to write for his awesome blog. I’ve been a reader for a long time. Quit exciting to see one of my articles here on Lazy Man & Money.

@Quotes – I agree, I wish I would have started budgeting a long time ago.

@Michelle – Uh oh…hope he’s not too mad at me ;-) Sounds like it is completely on you. Have you told him how you feel and why it’s important to you? My wife doesn’t like it, I’m the nerd. So I prepare it in advance and give it to her to review. To get her to have some ownership, I ask her to change something on it. Let me know if it helps…let me know too if I should expect a knock on my front door from a mad husband :-)

@Saving Freak – That’s great. Since you meeting monthly, how do you both know how much is left in each category?

Thanks again for the great comments!

]]> By: Saving Freak http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-18133 Saving Freak Thu, 08 Nov 2007 20:47:46 +0000 http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/#comment-18133 My wife and I have a budget meeting once a month. We decide where any "left over" money from the month before goes (if there is any) and decide our budget for the next month. With my income being irregular it makes it easier for us that we are a month ahead and not spending money as it comes in. My wife and I have a budget meeting once a month. We decide where any “left over” money from the month before goes (if there is any) and decide our budget for the next month. With my income being irregular it makes it easier for us that we are a month ahead and not spending money as it comes in.

]]> By: Michelle http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-18110 Michelle Thu, 08 Nov 2007 15:11:26 +0000 http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/#comment-18110 I've e-mailed this post to my husband. I use to ask him all the time to sit down and discuss our budget and finances. When he does "meet" with me, he is distracted by the TV or plays with the dogs. I finally gave up and started e-mailing him the budget every month and updates throughout the month on how much money we have left. I think that I will start trying again. I feel like I have the burden completely on me and I don't like that. I’ve e-mailed this post to my husband. I use to ask him all the time to sit down and discuss our budget and finances. When he does “meet” with me, he is distracted by the TV or plays with the dogs. I finally gave up and started e-mailing him the budget every month and updates throughout the month on how much money we have left. I think that I will start trying again. I feel like I have the burden completely on me and I don’t like that.

]]> By: Quotes http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-18106 Quotes Thu, 08 Nov 2007 13:58:20 +0000 http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/how-to-have-a-successful-budget-meeting-with-your-spouse/#comment-18106 You're right about the importance of working out the budget together. I hear so many people say they can't get their spouse to sit down and work on it. I guess it's tough to convince some people of the benefits of a budget. Like President Coolidge said, "I regard a good budget as among the noblest monuments of virtue." You’re right about the importance of working out the budget together. I hear so many people say they can’t get their spouse to sit down and work on it. I guess it’s tough to convince some people of the benefits of a budget. Like President Coolidge said, “I regard a good budget as among the noblest monuments of virtue.”

]]>